life is embarrassing and i am losing my marbles

Being alive is actually so embarrassing like why am I like this. Yesterday, I came to the devastating realization that I have a crush on a man who I have not spoken to since 2017. I saw him at the grocery store yesterday, and we spent five hours a week together every week for 10 years from 2007 to 2017. And me and my brother call him Arthur because he looks like Arthur from that kids show (that is the embarrassing part). Here is a funny story about the lore behind this crush:

So my family went to a funeral sometime in the last 12 months. We all (me, parents, nico, nonna) packed together like clowns inside Cynthia, but that is not the point. I have no clue how my family is related to the deceased (if we even are related at all). Then this guy walks in with his clone (not twins) and his twin (not clones). Me and Nico spend 10 minutes trying to figure out where they are from/ if we know them. We do. Nico looks at me and says 'Arthur.' And our mom kept saying to go over and say hi. Like what are we supposed to say; "so sorry for your loss, we went to Italian school together and we never knew your name so we called you Arthur like the anthropomorphic aardvark from the children's cartoon." Ya so that is not happening; we didn't speak to him. 

And then I see him again? In the Italian grocery store of my dreams? Being a decent human being (the bare minimum, ngl). I just wanted mortadella, man. and when I get home, my life is truly ruined because I am averaging seeing him once every 6 months AND we could be related, but i really don't think so, because if we were, we would see each other more often. Other notes: his grandfather is buried next to my grandfather. 

I also saw him at work, and after a double take, I went into the pretest room to investigate (ie. check the schedule). Yep, it was him. My scary, male psychology major ex-coworker was like: he doesn't look like Arthur. YES, BECAUSE I WAS 8 WHEN I CAME UP WITH THAT. Other notable characters from Italian school include Monkey Ear Girl whose ears looked liked monkeys, and Isabella Chicken who would draw photos of her massacring birds. I also ran into a former classmate at Ikea in the summer.

Being Italian is truly devastating because the italian side of my family tree is a circle. Special shout-out to my mom for marrying a non-italian.