which corporate goon put a millennial in charge? i just want to talk.

 This is what I am bringing with me into 2025: a can of air freshener in every bathroom so after I drop the stinkiest deuce, I can spray the area, and leave the bathroom smelling like flowers and poop mixed together in the worst way possible. Also my TBR, which is growing exponentially.

This is what I am leaving in 2024 (because apparently it's that time of year already): theatre kids.

My new boss, Kaitlyn (god bless her soul), invited me to the staff Christmas party. She asked me if I want a plus one. Girl, I have no prospects, i have no clue what she was thinking. I considered bringing a friend, but they all have an exam the next day. Then my mom suggested I bring Nonna, or my brother. LOL! That would be more funny than anything, because Nonna would abandon me in a heartbeat to hang out with Eric and Annie (friends of my parents), and then... idk what i would do. Then my mom informed me that some companies make you pay for a plus one, so this is how I phrased it:

"hey Kaitlyn, what's the deal with the plus ones for the Christmas party? I maybe want to bring the guy I'm seeing (this guy is 100% fictional), but it's not that serious and I don't like him enough to pay to bring him." 

That would be if I remembered to talk to her about the topic. She is not in the office today, so I cannot have the most awkward, lying-filled interaction. Best things about having a millennial as a boss, she digitized the schedule so now we can view it online in PDF format, she made a calendar with when and where she will be (in a meeting, out of office). The only downside is that I hate Millennials (an umbrella term I use to describe anyone who is actually a millennial, or who is Gen Z but born in 2000 or earlier). 

On the note of my purely-fictional-plus-one-who-doesn't-exist-or-does-he?, I redownloaded hinge, which may have been a low point of the year, especially since I don't use it for its intended purpose, but instead to flirt with people, reel them in and then delete the app and go ghost when they ask me out (no, I do not have commitment issues). 

The reason I downloaded Hinge may (or may not) have been related to seeing Arthur-from-Italian-School the other day at Farmer's Pick. Short of asking Nonna to connect us (NOT NONNA SETTING ME UP WITH THE LOML), this is the closest alternative because all the young people I know do hinge. 

I had my birthday last weekend. Turning 21 has really altered my brain chemistry (maybe because I am 4 years away from having a fully developed brain?, who knows?). I had some friends over and we made and ate pizza, cake. and here comes Clara M with a 100-slide powerpoint (that may be an exaggeration) about trivia on veronica's life. That's when it surfaced: that I have gatekept my blog from 70% of my friends. So if you're reading this, hey! Welcome ... don't ask questions.

I came back to work yesterday and checked my email. I received 7 signatures on my virtual birthday card. One of them was from my regional manager, corporate goon lady who won't give me the time of day when she's in office... cool. 

For the last consecutive 8 days, I have had Bring Me To Life by Evanesce stuck in my head. It has played over and over and over to the point where my dad removed it from his playlist (RIP – Bring me to life is joining Barbie Girl in the Dad's Playlist afterlife). My dad keeps asking me if I have ever listened to any of their other songs. LOL. At my friend's birthday, Cindy and I sang it and that may have been the turning point in my life.. is this the resolution to my quarter life crisis? At my family birthday, Uncle Dom shows up late and non in costume, so I tell him to perform a show (we had to specifically tell him to keep his clothes on, this is the kind of bs I have to deal with). I kept chanting Bring me To Life, and he claimed to not know the song. Okay, Domenic, of course you know the song, you were alive in 2003.

The theme for my family dinner birthday was 'dress like the met gala' and 4 people understood the assignment–one of which was me. I wore a long blue dress, I put a pillow in my shorts so it looked like I had a big booty, and I did an updo that wasn't a slay, and wore the bday tiara, and pump socks. Nonna showed up in a sombrero, many other characters (family members) showed up in various hats, all of which were left at our house. Then in comes Aunt Stacey, in satin pajamas, full glam makeup, hair = blowout and her partner, Payk in a suit/vest/ matching (with Stacey's outfit) tie. Like they ate that shit up. My dad wore a fancy vest, so A-for-effort, but he looked like a waiter so it was kind of funnier than fancy. Those are the 4 people who understood the assignment.

I must be very easy to shop for because all the people got me the same things. I got two of the exact same chapters blanket (same colour), and everyone got me a NYT crossword (NOT THE MINI) book. So that was lovely, and my friends got me the books I want. Extremely special shout-out to Clara M, who got me Heidi in German (although it is still on order from Europe), she is a true hero. So now I have until the end of the year to read 15 books ... which is an average of 3 days per book (it is day 3 for book one and I have 175 pages to go... we got this). Clara told me that that is a tall order, and it sure is, but life is crazy and nothing is impossible.