the albedo in Ottawa on the weekend of 22-02

 How mind blowing is it that February is only a small number of days from being away. Saturday morning I braved the unknown and went to my (regularly scheduled) kickboxing class without my mother??!? Everyone asked where she was and I told them that I lost her somewhere along the way. That was not true. She was in Toronto. 

She got home that evening and I asked her if she wanted to play fantasy football with this season of survivor and she got mad at me. Instead of drafting players (which my dad was all for, by the way), my parents watched a documentary about the Vietnam War. I went to bed at 9:45. 

At kickboxing, we did sparring... it started with pretending to hit someone, then would proceed to light hitting and then actually fighting. at the start I was ready for actual combat, but the universe had other plans. Without my dear mother present, I had to fight with other people. The guy who stands in front of me, Sam, and I sparred and he was TERRIFYING. I told him I am uncomfortable and do not wish to proceed. He is an angel.

Friday morning I may have put a curse on myself. I took my little cousins (11F, 7F) to the bus stop. They told me that yellow snow is also known as "nutritious snow" and brown snow is known as "super protein snow." In my brain, brown snow was obviously dirt + snow (I don't have to explain what yellow snow is) so I told them that I would rather they eat super protein snow than nutritious snow. 

SUPER PROTEIN SNOW IS POOP AND SNOW

It was not an embarrassing moment, but it was an unfortunate misunderstanding. It only becomes an embarrassing moment when you let the cringe take the reigns. I do no such thing unless it is an actually embarrassing thing that is happening. For example: eating mashed potatoes on campus, having to take your shoes off in public to see if your feet are bleeding, telling your favourite barista that "we would like a peanut butter cookie... wait, there is no we." and then having to go back and ask them to join your beach volleyball team (purely hypothetical situation, obviously). As I enjoy saying, embrace the cringe and it will set you free (curse you sims 4 for putting the cringe personality trait behind a paywall and making all the NPCs hate cringe sims).

Back to this curse – My little cousin (11F) told me that she was late for gym class and had to do push-ups. I told them that I cannot do a "push-up", I can go down, but I cannot push back up. And then at kickboxing, Coach Chantal was like "LOL drop and give me 10 everyone" allow me to reiterate: I cannot do a "push-up," I was wearing boxing gloves and not allowed to take them off so I am balancing on two blue balls weighing 12 oz each and trying to "push-up" but I cannot even do the going down part either because I AM BALANCING ON TWO 12 oz BLUE BALLS (boxing gloves). 

I spoke the "push-up" curse into existence – DO NOT TRY AT HOME.

Reading week was a success, it seems. I gave myself upwards of 10 tasks. Most of them are finito (more or less). It appears to be the time of year when I am planning ahead. I signed up for extracurriculars for next session! Looking forward to it. Here is a summary.

This session (Jan-Mar): Ballet, Volleyball, Kickboxing, Arts and Culture Saturdays (going to the ballet, going to a play).

Next session (Apr-Jun): Barre, core exercise class, tennis (may-june only) and kickboxing??? Their website doesn't have any info ... and the lady who runs it is ghosting me (I texted her 24 hours ago and still no response). I am also going to plant trees on May 10, 2025 in Carp, Ontario.

here are some troubling things I saw on the internet in the last few days (22-02 only) – "the fish orgy in the canal," "ottawa is a scary place - sensei Mike"

Giraffes are NOT 18 cm long:  They are 16-20 feet tall and weigh up to 3,500 lbs. The photo quality is 10 pixels because that is a metaphor for my life. But that is a real thing that came up when I googled "animals that are 18 cm long."

Fun fact: the answer is "sea urchin" and "chihuahua."

i drunk the kool-aid

I now lock my laptop whenever i leave it unattended. I guess it is the same thing as turning off your phone when you put it down. It just feels wrong.

It has come to my attention that this blog has some new ... fans?? HELLO DANIEL i know you're there. I don't think Daniel is what one calls a fan. Here is the hierarchy of Dans / Daniels:

WORST: Dan from physics lab – he man-splained all the physics things to me even though I knew the answer. Here is the lore of my physics 1001 lab group: me (main character), dan (antagonist), milton (his real name was Gavin but he looked EXACTLY like Milton Krupnick from Kickin' It - Disney XD show), lab girl who disappeared and reappeared at the final exam.

artist's rendition of Daniel from
physics class (Dan derogatory)

One time I told Dan. "do you hear yourself when you talk" I never saw him again after. Special shout-out to Michael my cousin for telling me to stand up for myself. It was a great birthday (#i am lying #2022). Then we got the infamous lab group switch. 

Little did I know that I was about to be a part of the greatest physics lab group. here is the roster: me (main character), Andrew from physics (lover of Luke from physics class), Kevin from the volleyball team (canonically has no personality), and the other guy whose name I don't remember (he told me his name on the first day and I didn't hear him so I asked again and then I didn't hear him so I gave up).

The plot of every physics class: we do the work. Kevin and Andrew flirt with each other. We do math. We ask Seanne (TA) if we got the right answer. Andrew gets the right answer. I get the wrong answer. I say LOL i dont want to redo the work. Andrew convinces me to do the work. We all get 100% on the assignment. Andrew carried my average. 

SECOND WORST: Daniel eighth grade math and English teacher – he is the reason I will not teach middle schoolers. He would lean over the desk to help people with the work and many people from my  eighth grade class would pretend to smack his ass. Some people got pretty darn close. He also brought his baby to our graduation which is fine on its own but he showed up late and the one teacher giving the speech stopped mid-sentence to ask to hold the baby (this was eight years ago and three schools ago, may be an exaggeration).

MEDIUM (there are two): Daniel Bella's husband – aka new father Daniel. Daniel the "fan" of this blog.

BEST: Dan who works at the mint (allegedly) – that is all I shall say about him in case there are any spies here. However, I did make him in the sims... let's just say he is in a love triangle with Don Lothario before the revamp and Don Lothario after the revamp. Because Dan x Don x Don is a pairing no one has thought of before obviously. One time someone told me that he graduated and we will not see him again – I told that bitch to take it back! take it back NOW.

The reason I bring up Daniel (plus all associated lore) is because of a troubling thing he (and all viewers) may have seen on this very blog. Please refer to life is embarrassing and i am losing my marbles for the context.

Breaking my silence: being Italian in Ottawa in 2025

I have HAD a crush on this guy who is also Italian and lives in Ottawa. His grandfather is buried next to my grandfather. Where we left off, I was pondering whether we were related – because my Italian side of the family tree is a circle and we already went to a funeral in common, there must be a connection. 

To be clear: I no longer have a crush on this man – I had a case of being in the grocery store while ovulating at the same time as him. I imagined us out for breakfast and got the ick so bad that it ruined my week. Also he shares a birthday with Olivia and you know what they say – bros before hoes.

I did some digging in the interweb (special shoutouts to, Ottawa Citizen Obituaries and Facebook) and I have found the connection. Please buckle your seatbelt because the last time I explained this connection, it gave the other person whiplash.

me – my grandfather – my grandfather's best friend – his daughter-in-law – her cousin – his son (this guy).

WE ARE NOT RELATED. WE ARE NOT EVEN RELATED BY FRIENDSHIP – WE ARE CONNECTED BY FRIENDSHIP + MARRIAGE + EXTENDED FAMILY. Our grandfathers being buried next to each other is just the fact that all Italians want to remain warm in the afterlife and therefore are all in the same mausoleum. 

Coffee shop blues: currently at Second Cup – Saturday/ Sunday tradition. Listening to Fireball by Pitbull + large white mocha with whipped cream (the barista asked me if I wanted it ALSO... am I now a regular?). Emma Korn look-alike but Francophone is here and STARING AT ME. So is Mr. Seeley – elementary school teacher and middle school football coach. Already saw Luc who comes here pretty much every day – so much that their name in my phone is Luc Second Cup/Happy Goat – I need last names – no matter how made-up – so I am not confused (I am easily confused).

 There has been some progress, no matter how small, on my hotmail ventures. Where we left off, I sent a message to Katie (ex-best friend from first grade due to the terribly upsetting canon-event 10 year old girl friend breakup). I saw her at Happy Goat Bank st (Hopewell). CURSE YOU HAPPY GOAT HOPEWELL HAPPY GOAT ON MAIN WOULD NEVER DO ME DIRTY LIKE THIS (I do love their student discount, however).

Every time I go to the Happy Goat Hopewell, I run into someone I know. Once it was my boss (yet another addition to the Mark-cinematic Universe ... everyone has a dad / father figure named Mark), once it was Madeline, Ana from high school, Jana from German class. The possibilities are clearly endless. In walks Katie – I tell Terena that I am finally over elementary school (like it's been almost 8 years, get over it fr) and I am going to go say hi. But no one truly wants to go back and make amends with someone who called you a baby at age eight because you didn't know all the reindeers names in "rudolph the rednosed reindeer song." All I needed was an excuse..

Katie is there with Jessie (thanks god for the excuse). Jessie thought she was hot shit for real, but was never actually... She was the only girl in my class who I had never been friends with at any point during elementary school – and you know how I get along with other people – I socialize easily unless there is a reason to not.

I also have talked about it on here – see Good morning Blog readers (26-09-24). Everyone in elementary school with older sisters were bitches to me (at one point or another). Some earned redemption. Jessie was the only constant among the sea of eight-year-olds-with-older-sisters. I will not go within a 20 m radius of Jessie in this day and age. She has germs – from her first year uni roommate who I had major beef with coming out of high school (Aliisa). They went to Western – I don't know exactly but Jessie is giving Western Nurse vibes.

For those who don't know: Western Nurse is a derogatory term (that I invented, apparently) used to describe people at the university of Western, who is notorious for not teaching their nursing students ethics. Anyone who is a student in the faculty of science (but mostly biomed and nursing students) at the University of Western Ontario falls into that category. And it takes a lot of reparations to beat the Western Nurse allegations – there is only one example of such a rarity: Eric Keske, PhD. 

Back to the story: I will not step closer to Jessie than I have to due to years of eight-year-old-girl on eight-year-old-girl violence, and then a man walks in and sits with them. I tell Terena: Jessie and Katie are here with a boy... it was Sam. 

Sam wins the award for the nicest man in elementary school (it was the bare minimum of niceness – and it was coming from a place of such bogus fakeness that it did not count – special shout-out to Thomas for dethroning him in middle school). There are so many Sams in every area of the life – elementary school Sams, high school Sams, Trent University Sams, University of Ottawa Sams – now I want to talk about the a Sam I have spoken to: Sam from German class (still unsure if he is funny or if his humor is just a novel concept to me: it definitely has some novelty to it). His name is actually Samuel (NOT SAM) and he is from France. Please excuse my anti-patriotism while I rave about how European-humor-pilled I am these days.

Last German class before the reading week holiday (which I will get back to, I promise), I am doing work with Samuel. He is telling me his answers, and I tell him my answers that are different from his. He gets fairly angry when his answers are wrong – it was in a funny way. While our professor spoke, he whispered commentaries to me (new best person to sit next to in German class just dropped) which is just like sitting next to James at the family gathering – until nonna starts throwing oranges. And when he speaks English, there's an ever so slight British accent.. some math is not really mathing here.

The professor asked Samuel to read something on the board and he told her that he forgot his glasses... in France... so he cannot see. My professor gives him her glasses so she can see – this does not work. Edith lends him her glasses, which work – I love fostering a sense of community. As a person who is employed by optometrists, I flinch at the act of sharing glasses, but it is a necessary evil that has never forsaken me. One time I borrowed Sarah's glasses to see the board in a physics class we went to – a class we were not taking. While in that one lecture, we also wrote a test (we were not in that class): sometimes, life is crazy.

Long story long – I did not speak to the elementary school people. Reading week was successful – I did all the homework I wanted to (lab report, catch up on bio lectures, physics homework) except prep for a presentation I have in 4 weeks, I saw all the people I wanted to see (Lauren, Tuuli, Polly, Terena – do I have other friends from out of town who I saw this week?) I think. Just took a selfie with mr Seeley from elementary school (it took him 5 minutes to decide since he didn't know what his hair looked like). 10/10 week. The only thing I'd change is lowering the albedo – but alas, I cannot change the intensity of natural phenomena.